Exploring Limiting Beliefs

I could be wrong, but I imagine all, if not most people, at some stage in their lives, have held some form of limiting belief. That small negative inner voice, that is capable of holding us back from living the life we want to live, the life we dream of living and maybe even the life we were born to live. In fact, it is so pernicious, we rarely realise we are being held in captivity, until either we, or someone else, shines a light on it.  And as we know, mis-truths, thrive in darkness, so illumination is the first step towards its elimination.

At this month’s focus group meeting, we explored what some of our own limiting beliefs were; where and how we had arrived at them; if in fact they were ours or someone had planted them; how they had affected us, and how to discard them.

Before diving into those areas, we discussed what the state of freedom meant to us as women living in this country at this time. One of those facts was having the spaciousness within to occupy and grow in a self-chosen way. For others, freedom meant they could live a more purposeful and intentional life, which in turn, rewarded them with more self-confidence. There was alignment with their moral compass and how they lived their life. Not somebody else’s.

So having established what freedom meant to us, our awareness to illuminate beliefs that restrained us from living in that way, were far less able to shield themselves from the light. 

For some, limiting beliefs, came from cultural beliefs that had been handed down from mothers to daughters for centuries. Others came from traditional beliefs that were prevalent in our society at the time and likewise had been instilled for generations. Some imparted orally from an early age in the home, and others that were part of the fabric of the societies we were born into. Coded rules, that had negative impacts on our lives, if broken. Theological rules, that were to be obeyed and not questioned. Predominately manmade rules, to keep women enslaved to men. Things like:

• Sexuality – Women were to remain virgins before marriage, while men were encouraged to ‘sow their wild oats.' Women were also not encouraged to discuss sex openly, enjoy sexual gratification or even express their desires.

• Education – Men were encouraged to seek higher education, but not so much women, because they would just be child bearers and homemakers.

• Workplaces - were, and remain to be, dominated by men at the top, including in the political and religious arenas.

• Healthwise - until very recent times, virtually all research into health (including issues relating only to women), were conducted, using male subjects only!

  
  

So how does all this make us feel ladies? Like second rated citizens?

I wonder why?

Sometimes, even when we were encouraged as little girls, “you can do anything you choose to do,” by our mothers, they themselves were modelling a totally different version of what they considered a ‘good woman’ was. A homemaker. A woman who served everyone but herself. A woman who only dressed in an ‘acceptable’ manner’. Not a manner which could, would or might encourage a man to behave badly towards her. The blame being the woman’s of course - not the man's!

And despite decades of women fighting for equality with men, many of these written, spoken, unspoken, implied and inferred inequalities, are still present in our society today.

So yes, many, many women still feel the effects of these beliefs that have been inculcated into us over the years: - small; less than; invisible; less intelligent; not good enough; unacceptable without the mask; fearful to display their own hidden boldness; fearful to acknowledge (let alone reveal ), when they are feeling weak or not coping. The list goes on, and on, until the narrative is interrupted.

Where and when, there is a safe place where these beliefs that we have carried around inside of us, running subliminally for most of our lives, are dragged out into the light of consciousness and examined, for what they are and where they came from. And whether or not they enhance or limit the life we now choose to live and going forward. Only then can we acknowledge them for what they are and decide whether we choose to hold on to them, or discard them. Our choice, not someone else’s, to live in bondage or to live your life freely.

As Tisiola said, "when we don’t belong to ourselves, we cannot belong to others". So instead of telling ourselves I Am Not, we serve ourselves and others far better, by saying I Am. Or as the Sanskrit mantra says, So hum – I Am That. And let us not forget the words of Margaret Mead – "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has."

And that is what we, at Embracing Women’s Potential are, a small group of thoughtful committed women, who are dedicated, not only to our own self-development, but also that of other women (through being available to one another and deeply listening to one another without judgement) and, hopefully in the process, we can sprinkle a little star dust of love and kindness on those around us.

Toodle pip for now

Bella. h.

April 29th, 2026.