Reliability

This month's topic for discussion was on reliability, and over the course of our evening's exploration, I discovered that some of us women have different views on this subject.This interested me immensely, because it provided me with a new and deeper perspective on these matters. These conversations not only deepen our self-understanding, they also ultimately help us to feel more connected to one another, which is aligned with Embracing Women’s Potential's core values. Especially, as it is something we all too often don’t get around to discussing with our friends, family, neighbours and other associates. Let's face it, Core Values are not usually on the discussion menu when we interact socially or indeed at work functions.

Once upon a time, our belief systems were matters we learnt about in our early formative family surroundings, and in faith communities. However, with the fragmentation of both, I think these discussions are becoming rarer. So, to have a place where our discourse is structured in just such a way that we can have deep and meaningful conversations like we do, is not only sparse, but I believe essential for our growth.

Reliability is a trait that often quietly passes under the radar of attributes when we are considering either our own or other people’s moral qualities. Much like this quote: “Kindness, humility and reliability won’t always make noise – but they open the most doors”.

For some, or indeed most of our participants, reliability was expressed as essential for building trust and strengthening relationships.  For those people, reliability is closely tied to feeling safe with others. That safety forms the foundation of their trust, and they could not countenance a meaningful relationship with anyone who is unreliable.  

Whereas I liken it to having the funniest, most awe-inspiring, vivacious friends, and the quiet, unassuming friends who, in my heart, I know without doubt I can rely on. Of course, the former can also be reliable; however, I don’t rely on them for that, any more than I would expect the latter to be the life of the party. We all play our parts.

That said, our discussions throughout the evening made it very clear that reliability is understood differently, depending on the level of value we place on it, and whom we are relying on.

For me, it is more about my expectations of myself, and others, that can set the stage for disappointment. Someone might indeed be unreliable, but I don’t necessarily view them with less trust. Of course, they may well prove me wrong and be untrustworthy as well, but only time will reveal that to me.

Having said all that, I do regard my own dependability and reliability in following through with actions on my words to be an important compass in my life. An anchor for my self-worth and as my way of showing respect for those in my life. I also believe it is a personal choice for all of us and, if at times, we or others are unable to fulfil prior made commitments, then good communication, more understanding and less judgement, is, I’m sure, the kinder way to go. 

Learning to acknowledge our changing physical and mental abilities is important as we age; therefore, we need to be aware of this and not overload or over-commit to engagements, thus reducing the anxiety and disappointment cancellations bring to ourselves and others.  

As with many of the lessons I have learned along the way, reliability, dependability, and accountability are three that I have chosen to adopt, from my association with people who adhered to none of those, and also, others who were and are very strict about maintaining them.  So, I regard all of them (‘Unreliable’ and ‘Reliable’), friends, not only fondly, but lovingly, because I would most certainly be a different person had I not had such wonderful teachers in my life.   

Which brings me to the point that over the course of their lives, a number of women in our group have experienced unreliability from their partners and endured the frustrations, disappointments and explosive emotional turmoil that results from this selfish behaviour. I have not, nor would I tolerate it. For me, that type of disregard would be weeded out before the third date, because my expectations from a potential partner are clear and as straight as Cupid's arrow. Probably just as lethal, too, if Romeo was foolish enough to turn up late on our second rendezvous!

Ah, we are indeed a funny lot, we humans. Many of us are full of contradictions and idiosyncrasies; 'don't know what we have 'til it's gone'; learning a lot from those we hope never to emulate etc, so like our other core value discussions this year, this one certainly gave us all a lot to think about. Especially because our life experiences are all unique and influence the way we live and view the world and those around us.

A bit like a jumbo bag of delicious, colourful mixed liquour all sorts, so I’ll close with pieces of Rumi’s "The Guest House":

“Welcome and entertain them all!

Be grateful for whatever comes.

Because each has been sent

As a guide from beyond..."

Toodle pip

Bella.h.

October 2025