Exploring Purpose as a Core Value for Women

This year I have found the subjects we have been exploring at our monthly Focus Group meetings even more interesting than usual.  They consisted of the Core Values our members listed as theirs at the beginning of the year. With Purpose, probably being the highest rung on the list of core values we each hold dear, this one resonated very strongly with me.

Having said that, as was borne out over the course of the evening, it is not a core value that everyone has necessarily given much formal or indeed informal consideration to. Some people spend their entire life seeking and rhetorically asking themselves ‘what am I here for? What is my purpose?’  Then there are others who have never asked themselves this question throughout their entire lives.

After a discussion on what the subject meant to each of us, Tisiola pointed out that there are two ways that purpose is usually defined:

The Academic Definition, which sees it as a central, self-organising life aim that organises and stimulates goals, manages behaviours and provides a sense of meaning. (Damon, Menon & Bronk, 2003):

·      Long-term and stable over time

·      Goal-directed and future-oriented

·      Gives life coherence and meaning

·      Often linked to prosocial behaviour (serving beyond self)

The Personal Definition, giving a person a deep sense of knowing what truly matters to them – your internal compass. Not always visible to others or grand, but it aligns with your core values, passions and what makes you feel alive and whole.

·      Feels emotionally fulfilling

·      Can be quiet, intuitive, spiritual, or creative

·      May change over time or grow deeper

·      Often emerges from lived experience or personal story.

Purpose is our ‘Why’ – Jobs, Duties, and Roles are our ‘What.’

However, and it’s a big however, even when and if people have defined what their purpose is, life usually gets in the way with jobs, children, caring for the elderly etc.  Especially so for women, who are still the main home-carers, children-carers and elderly parent-carers.  

As we discussed, many have simply buckled down and performed what they believed was their purpose, mother, carer etc and never questioned their role to serve others. Never questioned whether they were serving their own needs, let alone their unique purpose in this life.

Others, as we discovered, fill their life with busyness, business, community activities etc, so they smother their resources and the time required by them, to re-visit their search for true purpose.  Hopefully they eventually will because it will reveal their true self, to themselves and others. 

Most of us it seems, have lost our way and we need to find ourselves, discover or re-discover our purpose and, to do that, we need to be honest with ourselves. Maybe (like me), we’ve neglected and buried our purpose. Maybe we just never really thought about it. For whatever reason, if we are not fully living connected and passionate lives, we need to honour our truth, and find our purpose. Because, "The greatest tragedy in life is not death, but a life without a purpose." Myles Munroe

Purpose does not have to be some grandiose achievement, shattering or world-changing, but it does need to be intentional, purposeful and lived.  Because even the quietest purpose is sacred living and it impacts lives. Dostoyevsky said, "The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for."

Something that shakes us from our slumber and fills us with excitement for the unknown possibilities and achievements each new day holds in store for us. Something that fills us with our unique sense of being, who we are and what we are, whilst at the same time whispers Ophelia’s words (Hamlet IV) "We know what we are, but not what we may be."

Something that tethers us and keeps us grounded and safe when stormy weather is upon us. Something that feeds and aligns with our core values. Something that is uniquely US. 

Surprisingly, or perhaps not so, the MINORITY of people who are actually living their purpose, do so, more with other people in mind – rather than themselves.  In other words, not only does living ‘their purpose’ positively impact the quality of their lives (physically; mentally; psychologically, and emotionally), it positively transforms the lives around them. Boom! Bang! Win. Win! Amazing stuff!

So, it begs the question; why aren’t we all living this way?  But of course, as discussed earlier, not everyone has considered the question; life gets in the way; poor self-esteem; socialisation and other people’s expectations etc. There are many reasons why people do not find or live their true life purpose but, I sincerely believe, it is one of the main contributing factors driving the poor mental state suffered by so many in our society. That is very sad.

On a brighter note, before closing our discussion for the night we viewed an interview with Dr Gladys McGarey who died last year, at age 103, and was very much alive right up until her death.  She attributed her longevity partly to genetics but also because she had lived a purposeful life, always eager to learn new things and always incorporating her "5 Ls" theory as a framework for healing and living a fulfilling life:

1. Life

2. Love

3. Laughter

4. Labour

5. Listening

She believed that each of these things, when done with love, made all the difference. Laughter without love was cruel; Life without love was dark and heavy; Labour without love was drudgery; Listening without love was no more than hearing. A truly inspirational woman.

Several amazing women we acknowledged during this session include:- Maya Angelou, who found her purpose and voice after childhood trauma and metamorphosed it into writing and lecturing; Rosa Parks, who found her purpose through quiet resistance (having had enough of American Apartheid), and saying No. No more segregation on a Montgomery bus. That calm and dignified strength birthed the civil rights movement; Clara Hale, found her purpose after retiring, mothering hundreds of discarded children (born with drug addictions), living in Harlem; Edith Eger found her purpose in her 50’s, becoming a psychologist, transforming her own Holocaust trauma and going on to help other Holocaust survivor’s pain; and lastly Alice Herz-Sommer, another Holocaust survivor, a concert pianist, who even in the darkest times, played in the camps and continued performing until she was 110. Why? Because her purpose was to keep the light shining on the beauty in the world. And where there was no beauty to be found, she created it with her playing.

Celebrated here are only a very small number of lives lived lavishly! Generously! Abundantly! Human beings, women, who were neither loud, rich, forceful, or fame driven – but always Intentional. Always Impactful; Always Living their Lives with Purpose!

Given that this Focus Group's subject was so powerful and meaningful for all of us in attendance, I am in no doubt that we women at EWP will revisit it more expansively, again in the future.

I certainly hope so, and thank you Tisiola for bringing it to us,

Toodle Pip for now,

Bella.h.

June 2025