Respect

I will begin this blog with the opening of a poem on Respect.

This word for me

Is both sweet and sour

It tastes of a memory

Far back from now…….

And I learned over the course of our Focus Group discussion this month, this word does indeed hold memories, both savoury and sour, for most of us.

Of course we all know in our minds and hearts what we ‘sort of understand’ the word means to us. Yes, of course we do. We’ve heard and used the word many times throughout our lives. However, like many of the subjects we discuss at EWP, meaning and understanding, can and often do, shift after listening to others express their connections with these topics. In my mind, the ability to adapt and recalibrate, to affirm or merely to understand another’s point of view – that is Respectful living.

So let’s look at this word Respect. It's Latin origin respectus, from the verb respicere means to ‘look back at, regard’; re – ‘back’ plus specere ‘look at’. And as with many commonly used words, this one holds meanings that time has almost erased and supplanted with multiple variants. For example, I tend to think of this word as an umbrella, an aegis, shading us from some of the world’s harshness, whilst at the same time, hosting a plethora of positive and admirable human attributes like consideration, esteem, acceptance, compassion, understanding, forgiveness and honour, to name a few.

At the outset of our August Focus Group meeting, we established that feeling respected was important because it connected us to our fellow human beings.  As we know from our previous month’s discussion on Connectivity, this is an essential part of healthy human engagement. Feeling appreciated is enough for some to feel they are being respected. For others, it is being acknowledged or accepted without judgment, feeling comfortable, feeling seen, having boundaries observed, and all these things contribute toward feelings of being respected.

In contrast to feeling respected, we discussed how hurtful disrespect from others, especially in a public arena, can be and how negatively it can impact our personal internal narrative. Especially if you are hung out to dry on the community or professional gallows.  Of course, it can take many forms, like being dismissed, ignored, interrupted, talked over, laughed at - there are many ways to voice or even just infer disrespect. There can also be disappointment when respect is given but not reciprocated.

Once again, my take-away from this Focus Group meeting, was the endorsement of Michael Jackson’s words, ‘take a look at yourself, at the wo/man in the mirror!’

Yes – it all starts with ourselves first.

Tisiola elaborated on this point by reaffirming that we must first know respect, through respecting ourselves. Our minds, our bodies, our emotions, and our needs. Again, coming back to self-awareness, knowing with clarity who we are, what we stand for, our boundaries, our expectations and holding ourselves accountable and responsible for our choices. Only then, can we hope to respect others. Or, as the Dalai Lama X1V said,: Follow the three R’s – Respect for self. – Respect for others. – Responsibility for all your actions. This is a complex issue and, let’s face it, not always easy.

However, in order for us to invite others to share our space, as Tisiola says, "we need to stand in our own truth" and as difficult as that can often be, most of us agreed that our age and subsequent experiences have brought us to a place where we are better able to navigate rocky waters. On our good days anyway.

Within our group that night, we found that some are beginning to claim their self-respect, others are maturing into it and some are reclaiming it.  However, regardless of what stage we are at, we are all winners, because we are all still striving to improve and live our best lives.

This matters, because respect has impacts on both us and others - especially young children. Saying one thing and doing another is disrespectful to everyone involved. In other words, the best way to teach respect, is non-verbally. Walk the walk, not simply the talk! We need to be living examples, not only to children, but to others also if we want to bring about change.  And as we can’t force others to respect us (which would be disrespectful in itself), we can refuse to be disrespected.  We can also transfer our self-respect and respect for others and act as reflectors, in order to bring about transformational change in other people. In other words, be the stone that causes the ripple.

Dave Willis put it well by saying: “Show respect to people who don’t even deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours.” This emphasizes that true respect is an internal expression of one's own character and integrity, rather than a response or reaction to another person's actions.

As respect is a process, we need to be patient with ourselves. Live our word, because it is Love in Action. As one of our members said on the evening, we need to respect our journey. To look back (re –‘back’) + look at (specere); to reflect and value our stumbles through our unique and precious life. Be truly proud of ourselves, grazed knees, deflated egos, trials, tribulations, plus squillions of small, large, loving and consummate performances!  All of that, and still, we continue to work on our individual masterpieces.

Why?  Because it matters.  Because it starts with every Me and because we respect and value the singular opportunity we have each been given to work on until closing day. Knowing and respecting that the masterpiece we bring forth then (our life’s work), is the best we can exhibit in the Gallery of Life.

Thank you everyone and as always, love, respect and gratitude for your invaluable work Tisiola.

Bella.h.  

Apprentice Artist in Residence

August 2025