This month, Tisiola decided it was a good time of the year to reflect on the grace of gratitude. A beautiful emotion which in humans, positively affects both the donor and the receiver. An exquisite and powerful bonding emotion. And yet.......
How often do we express what our heart's want to say? Someone said that gratitude is the memory of the heart. That's a lovely memory to house. Perhaps we should voice what our hearts feel more often and vocalise our mind’s thoughts less?
'In this world of busy lives, I think time spent in reflection, is time well spent. Especially, on a subject like gratitude, how we practice it, and how it affects us when we receive it.
Let’s face it, most of us were raised in homes where ‘having good manners’ was part and parcel of our developmental education. We were taught at home and at school, as a means to navigate our place in a civilized world. Our "yes please" and "no thank you", indicated to those around us, that we were able to conduct ourselves acceptably in social surroundings. These social skills of politeness are what enables us to engage with others in a respectful manner, which is all well and good, but it can at times be very superficial.
After all, how often do we thank people, but not really mean it? Many people do it all the time. So much so, that it just becomes a default word. A bit like the phrase, "hello, how are you"? Of course most of the time you don’t want to know how they are and they should jolly well know that! And likewise, be polite enough to fudge over the rhetorical question, with "fine, good" etc. Well, that’s how a lot of polite conversation is conducted in the English culture, however, I suspect it is not so in many other cultures.
Whereas gratitude, now that’s a whole different specimen. And one, many of us in Western societies, have only briefly (if at all), been introduced to in formative years. In my family, it was like a distant relative of ‘thanks’; sort of welcomed into the family at Christmas time. “Well! You should be thankful for what you’ve got!” When what you got was not really what you wanted. It was also sometimes dragged out at birthday times for the same reason, and in the same manner, and if you didn’t eat all your vegetables; “There are people out there starving in the world!” That sort of thing. Although, I do remember we went through stages of saying grace before meals. On and off.
But I don’t recall us ever being encouraged to genuinely appreciate all the blessings we did have in our lives, and I think that’s a shame. As children, we begrudgingly attended Sunday school every Sunday, but we were not what you would call a practising Christian family, and I think all the main religious denominations help to encourage us to be more grateful beings.
Cicero said “Gratitude is not only the greatest of all the virtues, but the parent of all others.”
And only this morning, I read an uplifting story of a woman who had overcome two separate accidents where she had to re-learn how to walk again, and between these two profound experiences, she also suffered the loss of her partner. However, the thing she wanted to convey to others, was not her losses, but rather the overwhelming kindness she had received from total strangers, as well those who knew and loved her. She was overwhelmed with gratitude, and has now set up an organization, going into schools and forwarding her message of gratitude onto young people.
This was similar to a story we heard from one of our members who relayed a work-time story of how, because of the deep empathy and understanding of work colleagues, a member of their company, who had suffered a great loss, was able to return to work when she had previously thought it impossible. Not only return, but later go on to a different career, offering help to other people who had suffered the same loss. Because of the gratitude she felt at her time of great need. Not only that, with the guidance given by our member, all her staff benefited from being able to offer their genuine empathy to the workmate who had suffered the loss, which had a positive result for everyone, as well as precipitating an never ending cycle of gratitude.
There were other stories of how the emotion of gratitude had had such a positive impact in their lives. One of our newer members raised the issue of different cultures and how in India, where she often travels to, gratitude is expressed in ways dissimilar to those we experience here in Australia. For example, rather than expressing a direct appreciation to someone, they might say ‘you are my dear mother’ or 'my beloved aunty,' 'my favourite uncle, teacher' etc. They are expressing the same emotion of gratitude, but in a different way.
We all acknowledged how warm and uplifting it can be to receive someone’s heart-felt gratitude, and how it also affected us in a positive way especially when we took the time to express our thankfulness to another. It fills both hearts with benevolence. As Eckart Tolle said, “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance. “
I believe our lack of acknowledging all the good we have in our life is where many of us go astray. There remains a gaping hole in our hearts, which cannot be filled, because no number of things, or substance abuse can fill it, leaving us empty and depressed. Until, we listen to our hearts.
Once we learn to listen to our hearts, through daily practises like meditation; journalling; prayer; or however we choose to connect, we will find, like Melody Beattie, that “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life, and turns what we have into enough and more.”
The mindful act of expressing one’s gratitude to someone, can also validate another person's perspective of their work, or indeed their life. As Tisiola said, “it can transform common days into fun days, turn routine jobs into joy, turn what we have into enough, and it can change ordinary opportunities into blessings.”
With so many benefits, and massive dividends (while costing nothing), gratitude is something that would pay us all to invest more in. Teaching young people now in schools, is one of the many powerful and positive moves in the right direction. As Hugh Mackay said in his book, The Kindness Revolution, "it’s one thing to be called 'The Lucky Country' but how about we aim to also be a more loving and kind Country." He also pointed out, "revolutions never start at the top, so it is up to all of us to be kinder, more compassionate, cooperative, egalitarian, cooperative, inclusive, and less cynical, and there is only one way to turn this dream into a reality, and that is each of us must live as if this already is that country."
Christmas is fast approaching again, which means a lot of people will be feeling the stress of the season, and also millions of us will be genuinely feeling more generous of heart.
Perhaps with a little daily practice, we will all learn to be a smidge kinder with ourselves, others and our diverse range of opinions in a world that desperately needs the wealth of our collective energy of love, understanding and gratitude; never more than now.
Bella h.
October 2024
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